I saw the end before we’d began

     From the day I started  breathing  I met a bunch  of people . Some of them stayed  , some of them barely made any impression , some of them left me broken , and some of  them ended the relationship no matter how hard  I tried  to save it .

The thing is: people walk away from you life  when it’s time . Whether they chose that or not   . Life has always been planed and who knows maybe it wouldn’t work anyway .

This is why I’ll admit one of my biggest insecurities:  I don’t do big steps   . Even if   it’s obviously imminent in the future I’ve always had in mind that things always come to an end .  (I know it’s terrible ) and I struggle with my own thoughts every day  . let alone all the  nonsense distractions I created . But do I make sense here does it at least feel a bit right to let the days go  since  I’m  too  panicked about what the future might hide for me  . Wondering if the step  I would make will make it any worse .

So it’s always about the future , i’ve always made decision because I was scared of tomorrow  .But they say if your dreams don’t scare you, you’re not dreaming big enough. 

    I know that i  MUST be optimistic but i           never achieve that shit.. :/ 

          Dear future ,

Do you know that I screwed up not one time not two , loads of times because of you

Do you know that you scare the shit outta me

Do you know that I lost so many things because I’ m not sure what you’re hiding

Would I be happy at least

Would I make it to my dream job

Would I even meet the person that will make me happy for the rest of my life

God help me to beat that future and make them all true !

    Does anyone  feel the same way  . I would love love loooooove to hear stories about  people who read my blog .  Believe  me when I tell you  that i hesitated a lot before writing this,  but I did it anyway I felt like I would explodeif I don’t  .  

Love you all

Good night xxxxx