I’m not sure which is worse: intense feeling, or the absence of it

      Hey!

           Do you know what’s worse than feeling sad ? it’s feeling nothing  , feeling numb ( jealousy , love , hate … those don’t exist anymore. It’s so scary when you can’t know what you really  want. you try to figure out  what is this hole inside of your heart sucking every single emotion out of it  but you just can’t . You Not  happy but happy at the same time because  you don’t have any  reason not to    . you feel so tired and exited about what’s gonna happen at the same time . I complicate things maybe? But i know someone over there is struggling with the same thing .I have such a huge emptiness  right now and there's still this heavy load on my chest that won't let me breath right.... Gosh... WHATS MISSING???? I wish I could know how to stop this …..

 And I’m just here. Sitting. Thinking.

I know someone is reading this and that’s quite a  relief for me , so thank you

good night xxx

Is this really my fault ?

        
     Hello everyone ! so something happened  lately that made me not  just extremely angry  but inspired me  to write to you guys. And  that’s a good thing right ?
       
                 Anyway,first I would like to ask you few  questions

 have you ever felt ignored ? you know with friends or what we call 'best friends' , you feel like they stop talking to you at random points in the conversation and they start grouping with other people, to the point that when  you’re in a bad situation they won’t pay any attention, and even then sometimes they won’t listen.  You are their friend because YOU the one listening to them but they don’t really care about you obviously   and you try and try to get them back , you try to get them interested  but it only results in you looking clingy and needy and useless, and you can’t talk to your other friends about it because then you’ll feel like a stupid child, and all you can do is watch them turn their backs and leave and all you wonder is , what have I done wrong . So to be honest with you guys . 
This is so not a friendship , I think best friends share everything they know if the other is upset , hurt or sad they would know! They have loads of problem but theystill  choose to listen to you care about how you feel and try to make you happy  !

They do say that  you cannot choose the family you were born into,  but at least you can 100% choose the family you create for yourself through friendship and love. So don’t let ‘family’ be defined as only the sharing of DNA.IF you feel neglected or unsupported, remember that there are billions of others who might do more for you , they are over there ready to listen to you whenever you need help  .  The one who  deserves   to  share your laughter is the one who is  there for you in sorrow and happiness.

 love you all xxx

Book review !

          

        I’ve been getting back into reading lately , it’s actually the only thing I enjoy doing after my exams of course in addition to cooking . So lemme tell you something : it’s really hard to have the book you want here in morocco (I’m talking about English new books) . so if it’s not very expressive like mega expensive it’s noway to have in your hands book .I don’t know if it’s the fact that people don’t read a lot . or , it is because most people read French  and Arabic ,to  paraphrase : if I find a Collen  Hoover’s book or even Sophie Kinsella’s that would be like seeing a camel using a pay phone, literally  . It’s just annoying I mean gah don’t get me started on this …..  

So my best friend lent  me this  pill of books I was really really happy cuz duh it’s paperback it’s not like I had them every day on my shelves so I started with ‘mirror images’ it was lovely sure thing I love everything Danielle steel writes , and now I just finished   ‘I’ve got your number’ by Sophie kinsella  And Oh My God if you are looking for a funny hilarious laugh-out-loud read that’s your book so I couldn’t resist . Here is a thing , this book is a gem ! Of course it is , it made me laugh a zillion of times .(SO DON’T read this book in the bus !) .

This book was real medication for me I was very sad .And ,  I just wanted something funny to keep me distracted and amused . It did its job just fine . I mean how can I be sad and look devastated in front of Poppy ( the heroine ) who lost her husband’s  family engagement  ring weeks before her weeding  . To be honest with you guys this book is not deep so don’t be looking for any meaningful revelations or a serious plot , but you’ll have fun . And most importantly , you will laugh so hard . I’m not spoiling or anything so again the best part of the book is the humor , and Sophie  has quickly   become one my favorite  . It’s all about some awkward funny romance and I highly recommend this book for all those days you need just a little emotional  funny read to carry on with your normal routine . As for me I can’t wait to read more of her books

 Love y’all xxxx

i'm back

Hey ! so tbh i don’t know why i’ve been waiting so long to write this post I had loads of things  to talk about but I’ve been through a LOT lately . A depression from nowhere , exam’s mark that I didn’t  expected (negatively  ofc ….) ,I've been feeling incredibly stressed (and now I remember one of my best friend’s dream , and yes you have no idea what I am talking about ) …..

 Anyway , what happened is that after my results showed up, it made me feel the teeniest , weensiest and inadequate person on earth . well of course I do I worked my socks off and let’s face it some  people in my university get everything handed to them in a silver platter , including grades . So that’snot even the point , the sad part about it is that i made my father disappointed , whenever I remember the look on his face I try to push it out of my mind . obviously , I mentally cajole it . that’s how bad things were going . it took me one mounth to grasp the fact that I’m going to have aresit  exam in two months and things are going to be just fine .

I don’ t know how many people are reading my posts so I just hope someone does at least enjoy my blog and I promise I’m going to be more active this month I feel better now if you wonder  …..

Good night

Luv y’all xxxx